from Diya, with love

New Years Day . I want to light up the world like no one else can. To be better than I was, greater than I am.  I want to feel everything so deeply it burns right through me but I don't want to feel the pain that comes with playing with fire.  I want to learn from my pain and grow into my own skin, but I don't want to suffer. I want to be as vibrant as the night sky, with all its little lights shining; they come together to make the most beautiful arrays of light; they inspire me to span the universe. I want to conquer my fears and live life by my own terms. I want everyone to love me when I'm not even sure how to love myself. I want to be amazing at writing, want my words to spark emotions in people they can't decipher, want to inspire at least one person out there to love, to live, when I never even learned proper grammar. I want to know things for sure, escape my indecision, but I'm not wholeheartedly set on that. I want to want more things, but I hold ...

  Every time I sit on a swing set I get taken back to the days when I would fly high; race through the clouds accompanied by my childhood friends. I'm reminded of the way two of us would sit together, or climb the metal bars that held our world together. The way each of us would try to stand while rocking forward and backward, from side to side. A constant rhythm to remind us that some things would always stay the same even a we grew.   But as our heads got further and further from the ground, the closer we grew to our roots. Swing sets became the venue for late night conversations about the things we've learned and the hardships we face. An intersection of two different worlds, intertwining in the most unexpected ways.   So now when I sit on a swing set I do not fly anymore. I am grounded. But with my head still in the clouds I am reminded of how much I've grown.  

Every time I speak, I hide behind a veil of insecurities. To keep a river of emotion from flowing out, I carefully choose monosyllabic sounds to convey the things I want to get across. I interrupt myself whenever I have something new to say. I find myself unable to put myself across to other people the way I aspire to. My inhibitions come forward, and they lock away somewhere deep within me all my dreams and introspections. Writing them down is how I get them out, using symbols and similes to try and capture their depth without drowning. I immortalize my thoughts, as if time has just paled against their boldness. 

In 2013, I started a blog to put my thoughts out into the world. This blog consisted of the uninformed, undeveloped thoughts of my eleven year old mind.  I had barely started to blossom into a more mature, educated version of myself I like to believe I am today. Nearly five years later, I revived the aforementioned blog with the intention to capture the simple pleasures of life, to comment on what I see fit in the present moment. I may not have the perfect vernacular to set these moments into words, but it doesn't stop me from trying. So the wait for this blog is now over. It took five years, but grand curtains covering my mind are now open. Let the show begin.

Sometimes there are days, months, years even, When you walk around life uninspired and unimpressed. Melancholy follows wherever you go like a lost puppy And settles over you like a gloomy cloud. Yet then a new perspective enters your life, As a lyric from a song, as a piece of advice, Even as a humorous anecdote. The beauty and depth of these words Shatters something within you, And out pours pure light. Black holes in your mind are now nebulae, Star dust dancing on your fingertips. Dead flowers are now Fuel for the new ones you will plant. Your thoughts are butterflies, flitting and beautiful. The world has changed beyond the point of recognition And this altercation brings hope. Hope for everything this world has to offer, And for the dozens of others you will choose to visit.