Let’s Talk About Bullying



“Chloe” is evil. And horrible. And shouldn’t be alive.


1:29 am; Wednesday, June 10


“Middle school me.” That’s who she’s talking to. “Chloe” wrote this in middle school. 


Today I want to talk about bullying.


Two days ago, I got into an altercation with a friend of mine. Granted, I said something that remains uncalled for, and even if I was simply speaking my mind, this was not the right time to voice my opinion. Of course, he assumed that I said this just to try and get my way. 


My blood ran cold. That wasn’t my intention. As tears welled up in my eyes, I tried to explain what I meant (not very well oops), apologized for hurting him, and ended the conversation shortly after. 


But why did the idea that I was being manipulative affect me so much? I knew I wasn’t trying to be manipulative, and that’s the only thing that should matter, right? 


And just like that, I’m running in circles in my mind, trying to figure out whether I can trust myself, and whether I’m evil, or horrible, (sound familiar?) or if I was just speaking out of anger.


To explain this, let me introduce you to my sixteen year old self. I’m barely a year and a half older, but I like to think I have just a little more wisdom now.


I had gotten into a fight with someone I trusted. I can barely remember what this fight was about, but the aftermath is what shocked me.


I won’t go into the details of it, but according to him, the problem was that. I would constantly “degrade” him and when he tried to talk to me about it, nothing changed. He told me that I would use him to get what I wanted and never be there for him when he needed me. This boy, over the course of just two months, managed to convince me that being manipulative was my only characteristic.


You’re probably wondering, it's just a fight. Everyone has their own share of drama. But the thing is, sixteen year old Diya had recently discovered that having a happy family was less common than she saw in the media, and she knew that sometimes it was hard to tell if someone was having a bad time. Sixteen year old Diya tried her hardest to live by the words “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind, always.” (shoutout to you if you get that reference)


So hearing that I could do all this to someone and not be able to notice was a giant slap to the face. I tried to apologize over and over, but it was far too late.


Now, let’s talk about “gaslighting.” According to Wikipedia, gaslighting is “a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment, often evoking in them cognitive dissonance and other changes including low self-esteem.”


Sound familiar? It did to me when I finally learnt about it. And it didn’t just happen to me. I’m absolutely convinced that whoever bullied Chloe gaslit her into believing that she was “evil” and “horrible” and “not lovable.” (again, she was in middle school, how heartless can people be?)


I know for a fact that this screenshot is only a part of Chloe’s story. While watching her TikTok, I saw her apologizing profusely for something that she couldn’t be blamed for. She’s human, after all, and humans make mistakes.


Here’s why gaslighting is so important: it can make it so difficult to identify when what you’re going through is bullying. I always thought that bullying was physical intimidation, or even constant humiliation at the hands of someone who doesn’t know you. It’s not. Even if it’s someone you trust, if they keep doing everything they can to make you feel unlovable, you’re being bullied, no matter how hard it is to believe.


Similar to most other stories about bullying, my story doesn’t have a very happy ending. Up until I asked the people in my friend group if they’d ever had a problem with me demeaning them, or if they ever noticed this problem, I wasn’t able to realize that all the things he said about me were simply his opinion. Three weeks ago was the first time that I finally realized that I had been bullied, and this was a year and half down the line.


Even after all this time, I still hear things he says about me and the things he does just to make me look bad. It still stings sometimes, but here’s the silver lining: now matter how exhausting it feels, there’s the tiniest bit of hope that shines through: nothing lasts forever, and soon, this will just be a memory. To quote Bojack Horseman: “Everything must come to an end. The drip finally stops.” 


Coincidentally, this is the exact audio that Chloe used in her TikTok. 


I know none of you have seen Chloe, but my first impression of her was that she just might be one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen. Not because she had flowy hair and pretty eyes, but because she looked genuinely happy, and she had hope in her eyes.


So if you ever find yourself thinking some of the things Chloe did, know that you’re not alone. But also, know that your thoughts are not reality. “Chloe” is strong, beautiful, and inspiring, and I’m willing to bet that you are too. 





Some resources to help if you’re struggling:  

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